Final Chapter...

The fact that i keep on writing this, not because that i wanted ppl to knw about me. Im not trying to tell everyone bout how i feel, bout my life... Cz i jz wanted to let all the sad goes away. I thought that by writing this to my wall, the sad will also sticked to this wall. But i was wrong... It could never heal anything. The pain wont go anywhere.

Since this is the last chapter, i would like to thanks to everyone that had being nice to me. I will not hate anyone. I can not hate ppl that i love.

Be happy...

Regards,

Azhar

Its a Fact...

There is something that no matter how hard we put our effort into, it still cant be ours. Not even years can assure it. It was never designed for u. It was totally different pair of shoes. But, they still not believe and sadly Im one of them. Until one day, I’ve started to realize…

She is someone’s Minami~

She is the last entry~

Apart of having my life upside down, still I believe hope will always there. It just depends on how we can handle the pressure. If we start to give up, we won’t achieve what we want. No matter how bad, how we’ve must hurt, if u really wants it, go get it!

I started to realize that this is what I want. I’m too stupid if just let it slip this time. Not this one. But I don’t want to be too pushy. I know things might need some times to work out. But I had to be patience a bit. Let the other side decide. Coz I’m all ready from my side.

But all I’m asking from that side…be firm with what u wants.

The Last Entry~ So that is my Life~

Hye…

Today, I just wanna share something called short miracle that just happened in my life…. Sit back, get ur popcorn or snack, and start reading..

When my life was turned upside down, I couldn’t even think straight. Everything seems to be not interesting. The foods became tasteless. I’ve tried to convince myself that I could get away from this mess. But it all seems to be…useless. People kept asking me bout my status, they even said how sad that it could end like that. The only thing that I could give back to em was just a fake smile. I’m too tired to think bout what had happened. I gave myself a chance to be happy again.

So I just wanna keep this story short, I found someone. At least she could accept for what I am. I’ve downloaded everything bad bout me. Everything that I heard from someone after almost 7 years been together. I don’t know how to be romantic. Sometimes I can barely talk and I can be so quiet. I liked to be with someone that I loved…ALWAYS. I’m a boring type of person. I’m not a good partner if u asks me to a shopping mall. So, she said she can deal with that. Lot of things I’ve tried to show myself to her, and she was just so well absorbed it. So I gave my trust to her….~

We spent times together. We shared all our experiences to rebuild a better understanding. She helped me to stop thinking bout my past. I couldn’t even remember when was the last time I cried. I spent all the times to cherish the moments together. I cant stop looking at her face and believe me I did spent most of the time just staring her. When I looked at her, I just wanted to say:

“Lets stop this and let it be real this time”

“Cant u see that all I wanted is right in front of me??”

“Did u know that I don’t have any HOLD buttons in my heart to stop loving u??”

But, miracle will always shine for glance. Well, I guess just for my case only. Coz now, I need to put a GAP again. The same old time song whispered again,

“I need my time to be alone..”

That’s how the 7 years relationship ended…and probably this will too. But, how to stop something that not even started. I didnt had a chance to call her mine. We both not even declared anything. So, it was my fault again to put a hope. Coz i just thought this time it will be different. My bad...i just started to feel that she was mine. But, shes not.

Im a ball.. just wait till the referees to blow the whistle again to start the kick off session. Maybe I really should seek for a doctor. I just wanted to scan my heart if it really does have a HOLD button somewhere. Please take off that piece of glass inside too coz i think its getting deeper stucking into my heart.

But I didn’t blame anyone. I can accept whatever happened to me. Clearly, im just not good enuff to be with. Well I just hoped that whenever I’ll read this again, the same thing wont happen and i can smile while reading this.

Probably He just wants to test me…Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah~

Sincerely,

Jaa / Azhar

Nice Quotes...But

Today, i've read a beautiful quotes which i thought really nice. It says :

" A guy that can accept your flaws, love you unconditionally, kiss u on your worse & call u beautiful no matter what is a guy worth loving."

Well, it just a quotes. No one really actually cares bout it. Coz they just to busy with other people to see that guy's love... They will only learn when they learn it themselves.

-Azhar-

About me..i..n Just me

Of all the lies i've heard, "I love U" was my favourite. Actually, when you broke up, you never really stop loving someone. You just learn to live without them. So, should i smile because you're my friend or cry because that's all we'll ever be? I dont know how to say this, but if i can say this again..i would say right in front of her..."Dont leave me...I LOVE U" But, i am no one to compare with. Im nothing to her. Maybe she really want someone better.

Uninvited Guest

Today...

I just came to be the uninvited guest. I didnt knew that she had an open house today. So i came. I felt strange. It feels awful. I can feel pain. I ate the food that wasnt even made for me. Thanks to her mom, she made me felt better anyway. But still i knew they were all never thought that i'd come. They had a shocked face i can tell that. Suddenly i felt so....small. I felt like a disgusting creature with no room to be one of them. I hold the pain, i hold my tears. All i wanted to do was just to see her. I hate with what i'm doing but i just cant stand to resist my feelings. I can sit and do nothing just to see her all day. I missed her so bad! Does she loves me too? Missed me too?? If she loves me then y she leave?

All i can see from her face today, she was just hoping that i would leave fast. Just like the way she wanted to forget bout me...very fast.

Honey,if one day...if u found this, read this. Read everything that i ever wrote. Cz i nvr was a good in talking. I know i spoiled the chance tonite, but that wasnt really what i wanted to say. And today, i realized something. I trust when u said that u dont love me anymore.

The reason i came coz i wanted to tell u.....that i love u. Eventho im too disgust to be yours, but this is the guy who never leaves u at all time. I alws there for u whn u lose ur frens, whn u being hate by others. But im just too small to be seen when u had everyone. Thnk u syg...

Wil alws love u, just u....

A Day to Remember

Its 2 am…I woke up and rushed out to get something.

The story started when she needs to complete her group task. They were told to make few things to win in a competition. She thought she could handle everything. She thought her team can win. She struggled and put a lot of effort into it. I can see her strength. I knew she could win it.

Few days had passed. She came to me with a draw on piece of paper which I thought it was nice. She just has to cut and follow the lines to make it complete. So she cut it and gets a hard paper to stick with it. We went few places to find few things to make it even better. We had different ideas but we managed to get the solution. We bought few things like balloons, sponge, water colors and other things that we thought can help. So she left it with me to settle it.

So I went back home. I helped her to complete the task. I put a touch up to make it looks great. But the next morning, she called and said she really wanted to win. Due date is going to be one day left. So she said her group just wants to have real things rather than the models. I just said ok. I can see how she was so disappointed thru her voice.

Late night, she called again. This time she expressed her disappointments. She cried to me. I know, all she wanted to be was the best. I was asleep when she called. I was so tired cz I had a terrible day. But when I heard her tears, i couldn’t let it. I told her ; “Don’t worry, I will help u.” I didn’t tell her that I would settle it. I knew she might be worried if I stay night to help. I looked at the time, 2a.m….I rushed out to get few things to make the best model for her.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make that model, n what should I attach so that it could be a great model. I just go out. I went few places and I had that model on my mind. So I grab the things that can be use. I rushed back home. I didn’t waste my time. I started to make the model. I didn’t care the time, n the fact that I had to leave early morning to work. I just put my concentration on that thing so that she can have the smile and wipe the tears. I’ll sacrifice everything for her. Its 5.50a.m when it’s all done. I looked at the model again, its not really in a good shape with what I had in mind. But I did try my best.

So early morning I called her to know the status. She said the competition will end by noon. So I told her I got something to hand over. She said ok n will meet up in the afternoon.
It was a great job I had coz my job needs to be out of office most of the time. So I use the time to see her. When I came there, I can see her was unhappy. So I passed her the model. The only thing that I looked first was her face. I can see her smiled. She was happy. She holds my hand. I felt happy for her.

So I went back to finish my job. She smiled and waved her hands to me. With a flying kiss was our greatest sign of love. Like a trademark. I turned around and started to leave with every single step I just keep on thinking will she liked it?

Today, I just wish that she can remember this. Remember that eventho I always make her sad, n I was a boring person with no romantic sensation at all………I just hoped that she’ll remember that I did sacrifice everything just to let her smile.

“Whenever I’m around, I wont let u disappointed” Alia : March 2006

Adapted from;
-Pacifier-

50cents coins collection status : Stopped

When i opened my YM after so long...

Here what i've got...

you know I couldn't keep my 'mouth' shut, don't you?

5:02 PM

6/9

so here it is, my two-cents

5:02 PM

6/9

I know those feelings that you have rite now. The exact same feelings I had with you back then.

5:04 PM

6/9

The "I know he'll come back" feelings. The "I know he'll be mine if I just try a little bit harder". The "I know he will be mine again if I just keep on trying harder and harder and never give up. Because in the end, he'll definately comes back."

5:04 PM

6/9

You did come back.

5:04 PM

6/9

But not for long.

5:05 PM

6/9

It means you are never meant for me.

5:05 PM

6/9

Mark my word, friend.

5:05 PM

6/9

One day you'll let go.

5:06 PM

6/9

salam.

So now i know...im running in the circle of life...

Its 11/9/11

Aku xtau ape aku patut buat. Sekarang aku xde tempat nak pegi. Aku cume duduk dlm opis. Guard pun pelik. Hahaha.. Nak tau cmne aku end up kat opis? Camni cerite nye............

Aku xde sape2 nak luah pape aku rase. Semalam aku cube tenang kan hati. Aku cube lepak ngn kwn2. Aku cari balik kwn2 lame. Lepas sorg2 aku pegi. Aku pegi open house Linda, then g jmp Iskandar, pastu jumpe Bgore n last lepak studio. Aku cube hepi, tp semua asek tny aku, "Nape monyok je bro?" Hahaha aku senyap je xjwb.

Dorg ajak lepak minum, aku senyap. Ajak jamming tgn aku main gitar pn jd slow. Sampai band Hujan ade lepak pn dorg tegur aku nmpk lesu. Aku cume senyum n ckp xde pape. Aku berterima kasih atas keperihatinan dorg semua. Dorg kidnap aku bwk jenjalan n try tny pe mslh. Aku xluah pun. Mslh aku, biar la aku je tanggung. Dorg bwk awex2 n suh knl2 ngn aku. Aku xtau la tp mslh aku bkn ley settle ngn lepak bersame gadis2 murah cmtu.

Bile aku pndg pmpn2 tu, aku nk je suh dorg balik. Dorg xtau ke malu? Then ade la sorg tuh yg peramah sgt dtg duduk seblah aku, bkn pe sbb sofa yg kosong seblah aku je. Die ajak borak2. Aku lyn kn je. Mulut berbau arak xhingat. Nk je aku maki. Tp aku sedar aku pn bkn baik sgt. Mungkin ni tempat aku. Mungkin ni jalan tuk aku.

Aku perhatikan je minah ni, dgn rokok sambil berborak rancak. Aku pura2 suke lyn. Asap da berkepul2 aku lemas...Aku tahan kn je. Mcm2 la die citer. Psl clubbing la, laki la, tah pape la topik bangang die tuh. Siap cerita lucah bagai. Die tu tau x die pompuan?? Ko nk wat sex ngn sape2, sekali dua tiga org pn yg ko cite kt aku pehal?? Orang da barai mcm ko ingt ade org nak wat bini ke?? Da berape byk bekas air mani laki dlm ko pn aku xtau. Pastu die tny psl facebook. Mintak aku add die. Mmg sampai bile2 pn xde ku approve kwn~ Tp aku terus kn senyum je...

Then sorg2 ttdo. Tgl aku ngn minah ni je yg berjage. Aku mmg xde rase nk tdo, n ade kwn berborak mmg la sgt di perlukan. So aku melayan je laa. At least aku lupe yg aku sunyi jap. Then suddenly die kate da ngantuk nk tdo tp da xde tmpt. Dorg sume da tdo bergelimpangan kt dlm studio ni ngn botol la, kayu besbol la, besi la. Aku bg la idea bodoh kat die "U balik la uma je. Sini da penuh kot." aku gelak. Then die tny aku xngntuk ke? Aku jwb blm lg tp aku stay sini jap nk rilek2. Die pn ajak la aku lepak uma die sbb die kate die pn blm ngntuk sgt (tetibe td da ngntuk) n ley borak2 kt uma sbb xnk kaco len tgh tdo nnt bising. Aku mmg tgh bosan, so aku ckp ok je.

Sblm ktrg gerak aku tny die ade sape kt uma. Die ckp "Xde sape pn. Xpyh risau." Hahaha kalau die nk tau itu yg plg aku risau. Aku cepat2 suh die kejut sape2 lagi ajak lepak skali. Tp die xnk. Die terus amek kunci kete n ajak aku turun. Firasat aku rase xsedap. Aku terbayang awek aku.

Sayang..if ini yg boley buat saye lupe pade awak....maaf kn saye.

Aku turun pg kt kete die. Pukul 5 pagi ptt la sejuk...aku bukak pintu kete die. Aku ckp bebaik.."I nk jmp gf i..." Aku xtau pe motif aku ckp mcm tu. Maybe niat die betul2 jz nk ajak lepak je kt uma. Tp aku rs bersalah. Aku just ckp mcm tu n die phm. Pastu die jz ckp take care n gerak. So...aku sunyi balik~

Aku cube carik tmpt lepak tuk tenangkn otak. Aku cube adapt balik kwn2 lame aku. Mungkin ni tempat aku. Bersame2 kwn2 yg xde mase depan.

So aku pn start enjin n gerak ke mane pn xtau. Akhirnye sini la aku end up... Opis~

Worst Day

Hye all,

Worst day of yesterday... Dayyuum!! I shaking like shivering in cold. But i felt so hot inside. Puke here n there. Arrghh!! I tried to get some help. Ask few frens to drive to clinic. But its alrdy midnight. Most of them alrdy half dead... So finally i got one help from this guy. He offered me a help. Nice.....

We went to Tengku Ampuan Rahimah Hospital.. So the attendant said just a fever so u can wait.. WTF?? So i've to wait like 2hours to get the treatment. Still my number wasn't called yet. Suddenly, i felt uncomfortable. So i puked.... Yess....in front of everyone. Sigh~

But then the attendant rushed to me and take me to the treatment room. My body temperature was so high! So they asked me to give a blood sample. So they took it.... Only after half an hour they called a doctor. So the doctor treated me. He said i need to stay for a while. So he injected me and to be warded. They dripped me almost 2 pines of water.

I was asleep till the sun rise. Ahh...what a comfortable feeling!! So i hurry to wake up and ask the nurse whether i can leave or not. She said i've to wait for the doctor first. So i wait~

I searched for my phone and found it. The ever first thing to do... wishing good morning to the most adorable creature in the world!! Cant wait to see her again. So when the doctor allow me to leave i was so happy. The nurses looked me weirdly. They asked me : " Why are u seems to be so happy?" I just replied ; "I didn't bring my phone charger. I can charge my phone soon".

Then the doctor asked me again: "Why is that so important to you?"

So i replied; "Its not...but without the phone i cant contact someone. And if i cant contact that someone, i'll die".

The doctor just laughed and said "You're still too young to fall in deep love. Find few to cover your selves". Well of course, but i gave him something to think: "Who set the rules you can only fall deep into love by age?" And he looked me so i continued "We have pair of eyes, pair of ears, pair of hands, pair of legs...but why He created our hearts without any pair? Cz He made us to share with someone else....not with everyone."

The doctor just nod n told me to get marry soon. Well dont worry, i will. With only that one. The one that i've been sharing my heart with....

Its me again~

Hye readers,

Today, i just realized something. Something that i shouldn't have missed. Yes...i found my strength back!! I realized that i was so weak before. I couldn't even stop crying.

I went to bed early today but i couldn't close my eyes. I woke up and went to bath room. I took a wudhu' to performed solat Istiqarah n Hajat. It was just between me and Him all alone... I wished for everything that i couldn't have. So then i went to bed.....again~

It only took me around 2-3 hours...then suddenly i woke up. I felt so incredibly strong!! I can make the decision. I don't know how, but i felt that decision was so strong!! I tried to reach my phone but maybe instead of telling her, i should let her know herself. But suddenly i saw a message in my inbox. So i opened it. It says :

"For your love to your country, you'll die for it. For the love of your family, you'll fight for it... And If you love somebody, you'll fight n die for it. Cz she/he have your heart. When he/she is gone, it will take along your heart n leaves you heartless. No man can survive without a heart to live. Don't run bcz you'll never live without it."

It was sent by +6012326**** (yeah i won't publish this number). I tried to call back n say thanx. But i can hear someone picked up with only no one were talking. I said hello few times but still, silence~ So i thought maybe the line had some trouble so i redialed again. This time, i heard something. It was a small voice with someone coughing. I shouted n said " Who ever is this I just wanna say thanks!!" Then the line was disconnected. Then I hit the redialed button again, but this time, i couldnt get thru. The phone was off. So i just leave a text to say thnx..... and a cute emoticons face~ ;P

So now, Im so grateful. Thank you Allah for helping me. And thank you for sending someone to help me...And to whom that sent me those messages, I really appreciate your help. Such a nice words. You will remain my undercover agent. So i named you 'Ms Good Heart'...Hoho!!

And...thats it for now. See you again, but maybe not tomorrow guys!! I need something to spice up. Something that is not common and usual...Something that I don't do everyday. I need some plan cz......I've a girl to catch!!

Love ya all!!

Salam!

Current 50cents coin status ; Still in progress~

Should I Laugh?

Its been second day...

Today, i had a news...i don't know how to rate this news cz it can be bad but it also can be a good one. So here is the story....

Someone jz msg me n told me something that i don't think i would say yes. She asked me quite few times to reconsider bout her proposal. I may sounded so cruel cz i jz laughed at her. But i already told her that it was not something that i can consider. Yup it may help me to recover, but the thing is, what if I don't want to?? What if my current situation can be better? And the most important part is, I can't accept others.

She called me instead. She said that she could be better. Well guess what, I don't even compare! I told her that I am truly happy right now. What i had was already the best! Don't say you can be better cz i don't even want to see it!

After that, she jz said that maybe i need some times to think about it. But i just answered "I don't have any rooms left in it..." cz i already gave all to someone else.

Truly i said, we did had a lot of chat before. We met before quite few times. She also did proposed before. But the time was just not right cz she knew I wont consider at all. I don't even knew she had that kind of feelings. But I am truly sorry. I just don't want to break another's heart. Cz i know, I will never leave the one. My answer will be NO...and it will remain till 31st of February.. Get that date n come back to me surely I'd say yes. Forever my heart will be for the one. Sorry~

I can forget about the one. But I just can't forget why I am here, bcz it is for me and the one..

Collecting 50cents coins in progress...~~

Current amount = RM305.50

Till next round,

See ya!!

Say no to lalala!!

Hari Raya Hari Mulia...

Malam Raya....

Malam Raya yg sunyi ni, aku teringat pd someone yg sll di hati. Sll nyer die akan call n wish Slmt Hari Raya. Ktrg akan bertukar2 cerita. Ktrg gelak sama2. Msg2 rindu tuk berjumpa tp aku jauh....Tp bile jumpe aku sll jd kelu. Tutur kate semua aku cuba control. Sbb xnk terkasar n sakit kn ati dier.

Mungkin silap aku sbb berangan terlalu jauh. Aku terlalu meletakkan harapan. Aku x pernah bg ruang pd sesiapa tuk berkongsi hati aku kecuali Si Pencuri Hati.

Aku xsalah kn sesiapa. Aku cuma slh kn diri aku sbb xprnh dpt jd yg terbaik. Tp aku xprnh jd kn tu alsn aku tuk duduk selesa. Aku ttp berjuang tuk mencapai matlamat aku. Bkn kerana sesiapa, tp tuk aku sendiri.

Orang cakap bila hilang akan ada pengganti. Tp aku xnk pengganti. Tgn yg aku pegang, pipi yg aku cium bkn yg same.

Aku rindu kn si pencuri hati... Mungkin dia xdpt bace ni semua tp aku sgt harap dia dpt tau yg aku xpernah lupa kan die walau sesaat. Aku xkn lepaskan die walau aku xde. Biar org ckp aku bodoh, biar org ckp aku terhegeh2....

Maaf lah kwn2, aku bkn xdgr nasehat...soal ni, aku xkn ubah pendirian. Sbb aku bkn bercinta tuk cari gf, tp tuk jadi isteri. Bila isteri, dia lah family. Bila family...aku pertahan sampai mati!

-unknown-

p/s: Ni bkn cerita aku. Kwn aku yg tgh depress.

Ya Allah~

Ya Allah~

Terima kasih di atas pemberian Mu. Kau telah wujudkan insan tercantik untuk ku. Kau jadikan dia menyayangiku. Kau membantu menyerikan hidupku.

Ya Allah,

Bantu lah aku menghadapi kesusahan sebegini. Hilangkan lah rasa benci antara kami. Kuat kan lah semangat kami. Jadi kan lah kami sebagaimana Kau jadikan Adam dan Hawa yang hidup berpasangan hingga ke akhir hayat. Berilah kami kekuatan untuk terus menyayangi antara satu sama lain. Pertahankan lah kami.

Ya Allah,

Murah kan lah rezeki ku. Berilah aku kejayaan yang berpanjangan. Berilah kami jodoh untuk bersama hingga ke akhir hayat. Jadikan lah pergeseran antara kami hanya untuk teladan dan bukan perpisahan.

Ya Allah,

Sesungguhnya hanya dia sahaja yang aku sayangi. Berilah kami hidup bersama. Jadikan lah kasih sayang antara kami bukan kerana harta dan paras rupa. Sesungguhnya tiada pengganti dirinya padaku. Berilah aku kekuatan untuk membentuk peeribadinya. Berilah dia kasih sayang untukku yang tiada batasnya. Jadikanlah dia sebagai isteri, dan teman hidup ku selamanya.

Amin Ya Rabbalalamin~

Hambamu.

My Total Failure

Today,

What that i supposed to do was to cheer her up. But then again, as usual, I've spoiled it. I never wanted to be such annoying to her. I tried to control my hands from reaching my phone but i couldn't helped it. I always had the phone in my hands. Both of them and one more inside my pocket. I just hoped that she'll call and tell me to call back at least.

I missed her...everyday. I tried to keep busy just to make sure that I won't remember about her for a while. I called few friends, boys, girls, and say hello and tried to make a conversation with them. But the first question that always came from them, "Hows your girlfriend..?" Seriously?? How can i forget about her then??

I really loved her. I know, I've done a lot of mistakes. A lot of things that I can't get it back. But i will not stop to love her. I will try whatever i can to win her back!! I will not give up! Shes my one and forever be..

Continued..

When My Life is Your Game....

Here...

Im writing again.. I dont have anyone else to talk to. This is the only place where i can at least feel better. When Im down, I dont need crowd to cheer me up. I dont need that. Cz i've already had someone who supposed to be there when Im in need. Someone who was supposed to back me up when Im down. But...

Im in a lot of pain...i've worked hard, just to make sure that things will be right. But it turns out to be...no one were there for me. Even the right person that I needed most, cut me into bleed. Im already in pain dear, then you came to stab me right in front of my eyes!! Why did you hate me so much?? Im struggling for us cant you see that?? I wanted to build a better tomorrow for us! Promising future for the BOTH of us!!

You said that you loved me. You said that you never wanted to see me in pain..Then what are you doing right now dear?? Is this how you love me? Or should i say, is this how much you HATE me??

Did i ever throw you away whenever Im happy with my friends or someone else? Did I ever forget to tell you how much that i loved you?? Did i ever compared you to someone else?? Did I ever lose focus on you??

WHY YOU HATE ME THIS MUCH???

WHY YOU WANT TO SEE ME BLEED THIS WAY??

This is NOT a GAME!!

Dont say "lets try..for few months" coz this involving my life!! If you want to try to be better, not look for better itself, but YOU need to IMPROVE yourselves to be better!!! If you want to save what you have, not by throwing them away!! If you want to improve any relations, NOT by getting yourselves away!! If you really loved and you really care, then why you wanted to destroy it?? Why dont you put at least effort to help us to survive??

Dear.... I know, its was not the thing that you said were the real answers from you. The truth was hidden in yourselves. Now Im helping you to unhide it. Coz the answer is..... you NEVER LOVE ME FROM THE START!!

Regards,

_unknown_

Aku Hanya Satu Kesilapan Mu

When the first time i saw u, I know we can be together for the rest of our lives.

When the first time u said that u love me, i really thought that we own the future together.

When the first time i touched u, i always thought that u'll b mine forever.

When the first time u hug me, i really thought that i'm yours.

When the first time u were on my shoulder, i never wanted anything else.

But...

I never thought that I was just a mistake...

How could this Happen to Me? (Part 2)

I never regret when i want some changes happen to me. I never think that the changes will cause any trouble. But, recently i always think why did i change for?? If all these changes suppose to make her happy, then why she claimed not so?? Why?? Sometimes when i walked n passed by few guys who was just like me before, i wanted to tell em dont change!! Its ur life!! I know am stupid but at least i know if changes means nothing, why need to?? You tried so hard, but no one realize that you've been struggling for like killing urselves! Changes means u have to kill the old characters of yours and start a brand new one..That was almost impossible thing to do!! And I did it!! I killed myself before just to make u happy for God sake!!

Great! its raining now... Storm n lightning...great combinations. Am sitting here alone. I used to play outside when its raining.. I feel great...But when it comes to storm and lighting, it used to be my greatest fear. Back there when i was 7, I almost got strucked by lightning. Had a few scratch coz it almost strck me and I fell down from my bicycle. I never play outside again when its raining. But...ever since i knew she also scared of those lightning, I pretend to be not. I came to her with an umbrella and keep her from rains. She wont realize that my hands were shaking when i hold the umbrella. I let her by my arms and let her with me so I can protect her. When the lightning strucks, she quickly hold me.. i can feel her fear. But all i do is keep on to be with her......She never knew that when the lightning strucked, her fear that made me stronger.

How Could This Happen To Me

I really wish to see her Happy...But the sad thing is..I cant have her. But i promise her that i’ll be there for her whenever she might lost n need someone to hold on.

Can i do it?? Can i really do that? Can i control myself from falling deep in love with her?? Can i call her name and pretend that i’m just someone else? Maybe she can... But i can’t.

But..i will let my feeling flow...i’ll fill it with our memories...i’ll wait as long i need to. I’ll wait as long as she needs me. I’ll wait, and will never say give up.

I will find that happine$$$$....for you~

How could this Happen to Me?

I really wish to see her happy. But the sad thing is i can't have her, but i promise her i will be there for her...Can i do it? Can i control myself from falling deep in love with her? No....

But i will let my feeling flow..i will fill her up with my love.. i'll wait...as long as i need to wait..i'll wait. I wont give up! I miss u~

Waiting for My Star To Shine~

I am still normal and still waiting to stand out. I want to succeed in life as well. But, practically, there is still nothing i can be proud off for myself. I'm still the old me, sitting here with nothing. Allah, please help me.... Give me courageous to walk thru all this obstacles. I want to change, & i really need to do something...