The Last Entry~ So that is my Life~

Hye…

Today, I just wanna share something called short miracle that just happened in my life…. Sit back, get ur popcorn or snack, and start reading..

When my life was turned upside down, I couldn’t even think straight. Everything seems to be not interesting. The foods became tasteless. I’ve tried to convince myself that I could get away from this mess. But it all seems to be…useless. People kept asking me bout my status, they even said how sad that it could end like that. The only thing that I could give back to em was just a fake smile. I’m too tired to think bout what had happened. I gave myself a chance to be happy again.

So I just wanna keep this story short, I found someone. At least she could accept for what I am. I’ve downloaded everything bad bout me. Everything that I heard from someone after almost 7 years been together. I don’t know how to be romantic. Sometimes I can barely talk and I can be so quiet. I liked to be with someone that I loved…ALWAYS. I’m a boring type of person. I’m not a good partner if u asks me to a shopping mall. So, she said she can deal with that. Lot of things I’ve tried to show myself to her, and she was just so well absorbed it. So I gave my trust to her….~

We spent times together. We shared all our experiences to rebuild a better understanding. She helped me to stop thinking bout my past. I couldn’t even remember when was the last time I cried. I spent all the times to cherish the moments together. I cant stop looking at her face and believe me I did spent most of the time just staring her. When I looked at her, I just wanted to say:

“Lets stop this and let it be real this time”

“Cant u see that all I wanted is right in front of me??”

“Did u know that I don’t have any HOLD buttons in my heart to stop loving u??”

But, miracle will always shine for glance. Well, I guess just for my case only. Coz now, I need to put a GAP again. The same old time song whispered again,

“I need my time to be alone..”

That’s how the 7 years relationship ended…and probably this will too. But, how to stop something that not even started. I didnt had a chance to call her mine. We both not even declared anything. So, it was my fault again to put a hope. Coz i just thought this time it will be different. My bad...i just started to feel that she was mine. But, shes not.

Im a ball.. just wait till the referees to blow the whistle again to start the kick off session. Maybe I really should seek for a doctor. I just wanted to scan my heart if it really does have a HOLD button somewhere. Please take off that piece of glass inside too coz i think its getting deeper stucking into my heart.

But I didn’t blame anyone. I can accept whatever happened to me. Clearly, im just not good enuff to be with. Well I just hoped that whenever I’ll read this again, the same thing wont happen and i can smile while reading this.

Probably He just wants to test me…Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah~

Sincerely,

Jaa / Azhar