Its Getting Weird....

Suppose there should only left few more days to go before I will be having the biggest day of my life (for the moment). But the truth is, i cant feel anything right now. No joy, no happy thoughts, no for everything. There is something that keep spinning inside my head. Lot of questions that i need to get the answers. Lot of things that i need to solve. Im trying my best to ignore those doubts in my head. But its like part of my brain now. They keep coming over & over again. Sometimes i just wished that i can have a memory lost but there was too many beautiful memories that i couldnt just let it be erased. I've learned to accept everything that was meant for me. But sometimes i do have this kind of 'little me' inside that will always keep arguing bout every actions that i've made. I tried to make myself busy. Tried to have conversation with my GF(soon to be fiance). It worked...but only for that period. After that....this 'little me' will start talking again.

It doesnt mean that Im not happy with her. Im glad this big day is coming. Im happy that soon i will have someone to call mine. Im also happy that i will have a new family...and they were actually already treated me like part of their family's member now. I was so touched. I never knew that they will treat me this way. I can see their smiles. I can feel their joy. When Papa (Diyana's dad) called me, most of the time i heard were happy voices. Did I really make him happy? Well, he just happy to have a new family member i guess. Hey, if I had daughter one day, i'll be the same too. I'll be extremely happy..but before that, I cant wait to do those 'poker wild faces' to whoever wanna have a date with my daughter. Hahaha... "Look into my eyes...are you sure bout having a date with my daughter?? I assumed you already knew sometimes people can suddenly disappear."  Hohohohoho....

Heh i was just joking around. But lets get back to my main point here. I would like to emphasized in here that i'm glad to be her present and future. I just wanna say thank you, for opened your heart for me. Thank you for letting us to be one. I know sometimes we had few obstructions and challenges but life is like that. We will learned nothing if only good things happened in our life's. She always helped me when im down. She tried her best to let me feel better. Eventho she also knew that its gonna be a major problems but still...she did what was right.