Its Getting Weird....

Suppose there should only left few more days to go before I will be having the biggest day of my life (for the moment). But the truth is, i cant feel anything right now. No joy, no happy thoughts, no for everything. There is something that keep spinning inside my head. Lot of questions that i need to get the answers. Lot of things that i need to solve. Im trying my best to ignore those doubts in my head. But its like part of my brain now. They keep coming over & over again. Sometimes i just wished that i can have a memory lost but there was too many beautiful memories that i couldnt just let it be erased. I've learned to accept everything that was meant for me. But sometimes i do have this kind of 'little me' inside that will always keep arguing bout every actions that i've made. I tried to make myself busy. Tried to have conversation with my GF(soon to be fiance). It worked...but only for that period. After that....this 'little me' will start talking again.

It doesnt mean that Im not happy with her. Im glad this big day is coming. Im happy that soon i will have someone to call mine. Im also happy that i will have a new family...and they were actually already treated me like part of their family's member now. I was so touched. I never knew that they will treat me this way. I can see their smiles. I can feel their joy. When Papa (Diyana's dad) called me, most of the time i heard were happy voices. Did I really make him happy? Well, he just happy to have a new family member i guess. Hey, if I had daughter one day, i'll be the same too. I'll be extremely happy..but before that, I cant wait to do those 'poker wild faces' to whoever wanna have a date with my daughter. Hahaha... "Look into my eyes...are you sure bout having a date with my daughter?? I assumed you already knew sometimes people can suddenly disappear."  Hohohohoho....

Heh i was just joking around. But lets get back to my main point here. I would like to emphasized in here that i'm glad to be her present and future. I just wanna say thank you, for opened your heart for me. Thank you for letting us to be one. I know sometimes we had few obstructions and challenges but life is like that. We will learned nothing if only good things happened in our life's. She always helped me when im down. She tried her best to let me feel better. Eventho she also knew that its gonna be a major problems but still...she did what was right.

Tak boley tido...

Haih...ape nk wat ni.. mate da tekebil2 tapi xle tido.
Teringat orang jauh nun di sane. Please be here soon. I cant stand it anymore~

Past Tense....

We all have our own history. Our own great life times. The glorious and happiest moments that would be hard to be forget. It is almost impossible to erase all the memories and pretend like it was never happened. No matter how we tried, it will always come back. Sometimes, it just come unexpected. Although we knew it was just a memories that left, but we still remember. 

It is not a bad thing if we remind ourselves bout our previous life. Life should be balance. Some past need to be reviewed in order for us to be more careful in future. However, we shouldnt let it hold us. By letting urselves too much with ur past wont let u go nowhere. It'll jz let u be in ur past. Then, u'll still be in the same position. The position that u alrdy knw it nvr worked out. There must be a reason why it nvr happened like what u wished for. Thus, u have to accept and believe why are you here, and why it doesnt worked out like what u had planned. 

What im trying to say is, if we too busy to look back, we might lose what we have now. Coz there is a good reason why God created human's eyes in front of their heads. Cz He alrdy knw, we need to look forward to keep moving....

My real point here is that, be responsible with whatever u have now. U might have a lot of things happened before. But it will nvr be the same as what u have right now. U can choose to live with ur past, but u have to forget what u have now. Coz it will never be the same. Things cant always be like what u want if u still live with ur past. U could never know if the present would give greater life if u dont try. It is the risk that u will have to face. You'll face a lot of difficulties along the way just before it'll get perfect. The choice is in your hands. If u wished to have ur past, dont bother to proceed with ur present. 

Cry for your past cz u'll never get it back. But why need to hurt urselves if u alrdy have better things happen now. Save ur tears and start moving. If u think u alrdy hv the best now....grab it. Otherwise, let it go and let it be the best for others. Cz it might not be the best for u, but maybe it really means a lot to others. 

Life wont be perfect if u only look for its perfections. But its all about how u look at its perfection in a perfect views...~

Good night. 

This is it....

I have s0mething in my mind.... something~

I jz hope this will change some ppl thoughts...n endless happiness~

Kejujuran itu penting...

"bile da jauh ni..masing2 kene lah jujur..insyaAllah..saye serahkan sume pade Allah swt."

Bila ada rahsia antara sesama pihak...akan muncul curiga...

Pilihan untuk hidup bersama, bererti berkongsi bersama. Bila wujud rahsia, maka tiadalah erti bersama. Hanya kertas menunjukkan hidup bersama. Tetapi realitinya, masing2 hidup berbeza. Tiada KITA dalam erti bersama, melainkan KAU dan AKU semata2. 

Ofisss...

Baru sampai opis...letey lagi x hilang. Macam2 hal je client sume.
Hati maseh panass bile teringat kejadian smlm. Nk ckp kt sape pun xtau Nk luahkan kat sape pun bukan masalah ley selesai. Aku bukan mcm sesetengah org heboh sane sini nk expose mslh kt org lain. Tapi mcm xbest plak pendam cmni. So aku type2 la kt sini.

Aku sunyi. Aku benci....semoga akhirnye die akan paham pe aku rase~

Some thoughts over the night...

Some thoughts of mine....

We need a mutual-understanding relationships. I can give all my trust, if you trust me that i've put my trust in u. Somehow some people hard to trust other people cz they dont even trust themselves. I dont need LIES in relationship. Cz that is the key point of trust. Once you break it, its hard for you to get in. I believed in transparency. No hiding from each other. Cz for me, being together for the rest of your life..means being ONE. And there is no TWO inside ONE. There is no point being together just for the sake of marriage but keep hiding from each other. 

It is hard to understand each other. But we have to give opportunity for both sides to know better. The truth will always be the greatest pain. But that is the scale to measure how strong your relation could be. F**k all those theories from other people out there and start to believe and live on your own language. If you can put your partner into your greatest place, or the most important place in your life, it means that you are ready to be ONE. Otherwise, you know you just wasting his/her time...and also your time.

If you think that he/she is the most important person in your life, you should treat them like one. Unless you never had that thoughts, then maybe you already know what to do. Life is not as simple as it looks like. It took ages for pyramid to get done. Lots of sacrifices during the evolution. We just need to get focus. Get to know what is real. What is our main objective. 

So here is the best conclusion. A better relationship, is where we put each other as priority. We know we can live without them, but we dont want to live without them. If we cant let them share and be in our life, so dont share at all. Coz being together is all about EVERYTHING TOGETHER. And being together is about having EACH OTHER. 

I also have my own story...

Question: Why did i always hard to give my trust to someone?
Story     : Somewhere in 2011... i called my ex but she didnt picked up. She just text to me said that
               shes working. I thought of giving her a surprise by coming over to her office. But shes not
               there. Met with her friends and he said that she took a leave. "She didnt tell you?" I just
               smiled and said "oh yeah i forgot"


Question: Why did i hate long-distance relationship?
Story     : Somewhere in 2010...i found out my ex having an affair with other guy. I read the whole
               text from her phone. That was the moment i realized i shouldn't read it.
               They were laughing at me when the guy said to me "Jgn frust sampai bunuh diri pulak"...
               tears dropped..wiped it slowly and hang up the phone.

I know this was the part of my PAST. But it still there. How could i've been so blind all this while? And now, i realized that i hate her so much~ Coz it seems to be her fault that made me become like this. But i dont want to put all the blame to her. It was my fault too. I care too much. 

I never cheat, never forget to whom should give my heart to. I could give my honor if they know how to appreciate it. And now, all i want is a perfect relationship. Not that 100% of perfections. But at least no more lies, no more grudge. Be truth towards each other.

At this moment... I really want to have someone to be my wife. I already choose one. Perhaps she will help me to be better. I just want to thank her because she can accept who ever i was. And i realized that i am so lucky to have her..

Still writing..

Yeah i know...

Seems pathetic just sitting in front of my laptop and doing nothing. But actually the truth is, i keep on browsing the same thing all over again. Its our pictures together. I missed that moment. We could spend all day to be together. But now...im just sitting here and watching those pictures. 

I've no mood. No feel of doing nothing at all. Feels like im losing the very important part of me. Well i know certain people could have handle this like not a big issue. But im sorry...i cant. 

Maybe i should have not to give all my heart yet. But i know...it is impossible to do that. Now, just me, alone....writing this s**t to help myself. 

Well maybe my brain can stop thinking of her. But my heart can't. I can keep myself busy. But in the end i know...i will always have my phone with me and keep looking at it screen. This is me...i cant change it. Even if i tried, the result always be like that. I cant stop thinking the one that i really care. My heart will always asking my brain where is it other half could have been?? 

Actually, despite of having that kind of problems, here is another problem. I hate long-distance relationship. And i dont know why...it always happened to me. Why?? 

There is a concrete reason why i hate long-distance relationship. But i dont know if i should state it in here. Why i cant be like the others? They have each other 24/7. The could go anywhere together. BUt i always end up being far from each other! Why when she with others she always here?? Why when she with me it turned out to be like this?? Haih~

Today...

I keep aSking myself to be brave. Trust her and trust yourself. I dont know how long this could be. But i will try. 

There is something that keep bugging me. The one that keep on let me being curious. How could someone's wife send you a good nite wish. Last nyte its already turned out to be 3rd times. I wont reply this time. Nope...seems awkward to me. Im sorry but i cant reply. Dont do something stupid. No matter how bad your husband could've been, you cant just text someone else to wish goodnite. He deserves your wish not me!! I hate this kind of people. And i hate coz it makes me worry bout my future!! It makes me think what if my wife text someone else too. Please...stop it! Dont add another mess in my head will you?? 

Okay...breath~

You know what? I need her now. Haih~ 

What else to write? i hope whatever i wrote in here will not hurt anyone's feeling. No offence. I just put whatever i wanted to say. 

Then...shall we continue? Later....

Just feelin' to write something....

Today...
Im sittin' in front of my laptop and doin' aint nothin'.... Keep on browsing the same thing over and over again. Watching the clock passed by every minutes. Still, im here looking at the same page. Perhaps by writing this i should have something else to do.

Hey...
Actually i just wanna write bout how i feel today. Or maybe i just include the whole thing of my feeling thing inside.Well i think it'll turned out to be like that. Okay..here it is~

Dear Heart~
Please keep calm. A month or two are just a beginning. You have to be strong. You have to show that you can handle this kind of situation. Control your heart. Not to miss too much.

Dear Heart~
Thou you've been missing part of you, do not worry too much. It'll come back. It'll return to its 'home'.

Another Story of Us...Eventho you're far, 

I will wait...you always with me.

Love Always

Azhar

Without You...

How I describe my life without u...

This is a teaser for you...

You are my precious..

Thank you for always tried your best to be with me.

Less than A month...

Maken hari maken hampir....

Sekarang tinggal beberape hari je lagi. Hati ade rase hepi beserta dengan cuak. Macam2 terlintas dalam pale otak nih. Harap2 semuanye berjalan lancar bile tibe hari tersebut.

Tapi dalam nk menghitung hari, ade gak yg xbape senang duduk aku dibuatnye. Bakal tunang aku nk kena g jauh nun di Kuantan sane. Bape lame tu xtau laa...aku malas nk pikir. Sebab aku sedey. Sebelum kitorang rapat selalu dapat jumpe. Aku abes keje je aku shoot g shah alam jumpe die. Seronok dapat jumpe hari-hari. Tapi lepas ni......pas keje, aku nk g mane?? Makan dengan sape?? Jenjalan ngn sape?? G starbak minum caramel macchiato.....Hmmmm...~

Aku risau...nanti aku sunyi balek..

Aku kadang2 tu cube xnk pikir pasal ni, tapi mmg xboley. Aku sentiase teringat.

Bukan aku xboley nk sibukkan diri tuk lupekan die, tapi sape2 pun yg kenal aku, mmg akan faham. Sibuk macam mane pun aku ni, mmg aku akan mesej or call gak. Cume xbyk laa. Aku bley skip makan. Skip tido. Cume aku xle skip lupe orang yg aku sayang~

Pade bakal tunang saye...

Saye pecaye kan kamu. Keje elok2. Jangan nakal2...

Ehem...saye sayang kamu.

Yg bertugas:

Azhar