She is the last entry~

Apart of having my life upside down, still I believe hope will always there. It just depends on how we can handle the pressure. If we start to give up, we won’t achieve what we want. No matter how bad, how we’ve must hurt, if u really wants it, go get it!

I started to realize that this is what I want. I’m too stupid if just let it slip this time. Not this one. But I don’t want to be too pushy. I know things might need some times to work out. But I had to be patience a bit. Let the other side decide. Coz I’m all ready from my side.

But all I’m asking from that side…be firm with what u wants.

The Last Entry~ So that is my Life~

Hye…

Today, I just wanna share something called short miracle that just happened in my life…. Sit back, get ur popcorn or snack, and start reading..

When my life was turned upside down, I couldn’t even think straight. Everything seems to be not interesting. The foods became tasteless. I’ve tried to convince myself that I could get away from this mess. But it all seems to be…useless. People kept asking me bout my status, they even said how sad that it could end like that. The only thing that I could give back to em was just a fake smile. I’m too tired to think bout what had happened. I gave myself a chance to be happy again.

So I just wanna keep this story short, I found someone. At least she could accept for what I am. I’ve downloaded everything bad bout me. Everything that I heard from someone after almost 7 years been together. I don’t know how to be romantic. Sometimes I can barely talk and I can be so quiet. I liked to be with someone that I loved…ALWAYS. I’m a boring type of person. I’m not a good partner if u asks me to a shopping mall. So, she said she can deal with that. Lot of things I’ve tried to show myself to her, and she was just so well absorbed it. So I gave my trust to her….~

We spent times together. We shared all our experiences to rebuild a better understanding. She helped me to stop thinking bout my past. I couldn’t even remember when was the last time I cried. I spent all the times to cherish the moments together. I cant stop looking at her face and believe me I did spent most of the time just staring her. When I looked at her, I just wanted to say:

“Lets stop this and let it be real this time”

“Cant u see that all I wanted is right in front of me??”

“Did u know that I don’t have any HOLD buttons in my heart to stop loving u??”

But, miracle will always shine for glance. Well, I guess just for my case only. Coz now, I need to put a GAP again. The same old time song whispered again,

“I need my time to be alone..”

That’s how the 7 years relationship ended…and probably this will too. But, how to stop something that not even started. I didnt had a chance to call her mine. We both not even declared anything. So, it was my fault again to put a hope. Coz i just thought this time it will be different. My bad...i just started to feel that she was mine. But, shes not.

Im a ball.. just wait till the referees to blow the whistle again to start the kick off session. Maybe I really should seek for a doctor. I just wanted to scan my heart if it really does have a HOLD button somewhere. Please take off that piece of glass inside too coz i think its getting deeper stucking into my heart.

But I didn’t blame anyone. I can accept whatever happened to me. Clearly, im just not good enuff to be with. Well I just hoped that whenever I’ll read this again, the same thing wont happen and i can smile while reading this.

Probably He just wants to test me…Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah~

Sincerely,

Jaa / Azhar

Nice Quotes...But

Today, i've read a beautiful quotes which i thought really nice. It says :

" A guy that can accept your flaws, love you unconditionally, kiss u on your worse & call u beautiful no matter what is a guy worth loving."

Well, it just a quotes. No one really actually cares bout it. Coz they just to busy with other people to see that guy's love... They will only learn when they learn it themselves.

-Azhar-

About me..i..n Just me

Of all the lies i've heard, "I love U" was my favourite. Actually, when you broke up, you never really stop loving someone. You just learn to live without them. So, should i smile because you're my friend or cry because that's all we'll ever be? I dont know how to say this, but if i can say this again..i would say right in front of her..."Dont leave me...I LOVE U" But, i am no one to compare with. Im nothing to her. Maybe she really want someone better.

Uninvited Guest

Today...

I just came to be the uninvited guest. I didnt knew that she had an open house today. So i came. I felt strange. It feels awful. I can feel pain. I ate the food that wasnt even made for me. Thanks to her mom, she made me felt better anyway. But still i knew they were all never thought that i'd come. They had a shocked face i can tell that. Suddenly i felt so....small. I felt like a disgusting creature with no room to be one of them. I hold the pain, i hold my tears. All i wanted to do was just to see her. I hate with what i'm doing but i just cant stand to resist my feelings. I can sit and do nothing just to see her all day. I missed her so bad! Does she loves me too? Missed me too?? If she loves me then y she leave?

All i can see from her face today, she was just hoping that i would leave fast. Just like the way she wanted to forget bout me...very fast.

Honey,if one day...if u found this, read this. Read everything that i ever wrote. Cz i nvr was a good in talking. I know i spoiled the chance tonite, but that wasnt really what i wanted to say. And today, i realized something. I trust when u said that u dont love me anymore.

The reason i came coz i wanted to tell u.....that i love u. Eventho im too disgust to be yours, but this is the guy who never leaves u at all time. I alws there for u whn u lose ur frens, whn u being hate by others. But im just too small to be seen when u had everyone. Thnk u syg...

Wil alws love u, just u....

A Day to Remember

Its 2 am…I woke up and rushed out to get something.

The story started when she needs to complete her group task. They were told to make few things to win in a competition. She thought she could handle everything. She thought her team can win. She struggled and put a lot of effort into it. I can see her strength. I knew she could win it.

Few days had passed. She came to me with a draw on piece of paper which I thought it was nice. She just has to cut and follow the lines to make it complete. So she cut it and gets a hard paper to stick with it. We went few places to find few things to make it even better. We had different ideas but we managed to get the solution. We bought few things like balloons, sponge, water colors and other things that we thought can help. So she left it with me to settle it.

So I went back home. I helped her to complete the task. I put a touch up to make it looks great. But the next morning, she called and said she really wanted to win. Due date is going to be one day left. So she said her group just wants to have real things rather than the models. I just said ok. I can see how she was so disappointed thru her voice.

Late night, she called again. This time she expressed her disappointments. She cried to me. I know, all she wanted to be was the best. I was asleep when she called. I was so tired cz I had a terrible day. But when I heard her tears, i couldn’t let it. I told her ; “Don’t worry, I will help u.” I didn’t tell her that I would settle it. I knew she might be worried if I stay night to help. I looked at the time, 2a.m….I rushed out to get few things to make the best model for her.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make that model, n what should I attach so that it could be a great model. I just go out. I went few places and I had that model on my mind. So I grab the things that can be use. I rushed back home. I didn’t waste my time. I started to make the model. I didn’t care the time, n the fact that I had to leave early morning to work. I just put my concentration on that thing so that she can have the smile and wipe the tears. I’ll sacrifice everything for her. Its 5.50a.m when it’s all done. I looked at the model again, its not really in a good shape with what I had in mind. But I did try my best.

So early morning I called her to know the status. She said the competition will end by noon. So I told her I got something to hand over. She said ok n will meet up in the afternoon.
It was a great job I had coz my job needs to be out of office most of the time. So I use the time to see her. When I came there, I can see her was unhappy. So I passed her the model. The only thing that I looked first was her face. I can see her smiled. She was happy. She holds my hand. I felt happy for her.

So I went back to finish my job. She smiled and waved her hands to me. With a flying kiss was our greatest sign of love. Like a trademark. I turned around and started to leave with every single step I just keep on thinking will she liked it?

Today, I just wish that she can remember this. Remember that eventho I always make her sad, n I was a boring person with no romantic sensation at all………I just hoped that she’ll remember that I did sacrifice everything just to let her smile.

“Whenever I’m around, I wont let u disappointed” Alia : March 2006

Adapted from;
-Pacifier-

50cents coins collection status : Stopped

When i opened my YM after so long...

Here what i've got...

you know I couldn't keep my 'mouth' shut, don't you?

5:02 PM

6/9

so here it is, my two-cents

5:02 PM

6/9

I know those feelings that you have rite now. The exact same feelings I had with you back then.

5:04 PM

6/9

The "I know he'll come back" feelings. The "I know he'll be mine if I just try a little bit harder". The "I know he will be mine again if I just keep on trying harder and harder and never give up. Because in the end, he'll definately comes back."

5:04 PM

6/9

You did come back.

5:04 PM

6/9

But not for long.

5:05 PM

6/9

It means you are never meant for me.

5:05 PM

6/9

Mark my word, friend.

5:05 PM

6/9

One day you'll let go.

5:06 PM

6/9

salam.

So now i know...im running in the circle of life...